Valerievna
05-19-2008, 12:30 PM
When i was younger my father died and so my mom remarried to a really cool dude (he always bought my brother and myself ice cream... how sweet was that i thought when i was 3)
So about the time i was 3 1/2 years old my step dad and my real mom got into a fight and it ended my step fathers life... so theres my two fathers dead. And my mom turned to Drugs and Alcohol (no cool!!) and started to abuse me by burning me with her smokes and other things.
When i was 5 years old someone around the appartment called the police for child abuse leaving myself and my brother to go into an orphanage (we went to two different ones because of our age difference).
When i was there the older lady used to beat me with her cane and i would have to stay up late to do extra chores. I thought i would be scared for life and not able to forgive and forget these people for reuining my entire child life.
But then i got adopted and my family now is just so loving and caring and when i was 8 i asked jesus to come into my life and i got saved. BUT by the time i was 13 i turned and i started to get into drinking, parties and drugs (not the best choices of my life). The reason i got into all of this is becuase i just started high school and i wanted to fit into it soo much i joined soo many sports teams ( all of them actually) Ultimate, soccer,m hockey, basketball, tennis, flag football... the list goes on.. i also joined clubs such as the student council and the student support team... but at this time i was soo focused on fitting in that i just forgot about how much God loved me and i really never forgave my mother for the stuff she put me through during my younger childhood that i started to rebel against my mother now and just like i said get into other things. Also at this time my real brother was and still is in and out of jail.
Right now he's in jail for the next year; i am now 16 and i guess about mid march during march break my dad was listening to the Song Give me Jesus by jeremy camp and it just made me weep and i surrendered my life and just being getting right into the word of God and its just been such a great experience and i have really been asking god for guidence in everything i do and just to help mend my heart from the hurt caused by my brother and mother. I have now forgave my mother for what she did to me in my younger life and i forgave my brother and i even told him that when i talked to him last. i said, "yo Alexander you know during the past few years you just broke my heart and with how you acted and treated myself and other people it really reminded me of mom and it really wasnt cool cus i started to follow into yours and her foot steps but then my eyes opened up and god just entered my heart and just healed me from all this hurt and i just have to say that i forgive you for the hurt you caused in my life." and if i had the chance to see my real mother i would say i forgive her aswell... but it would be harder for me to say those words to her cause even though im 16 i still cannot "play fight" with my family and friends because right when im down on the ground and theyre laying on top of me pinning me down for the 10 count i FREAK cause thats what my mother did. There is other things that happen aswell (such as... when i close my eyes at night i just remember those nights i was pinned down screaming for someone to help me... and nothing... no one helped and right when i close my eyes and see and hear this i stay awake listening to my music (jeremy camp, third day, bless the fall etc but i just try to surround myself in christian music and the bible because i know thats when i am the weakest and thats when the devil will try to strike). Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed!
So about the time i was 3 1/2 years old my step dad and my real mom got into a fight and it ended my step fathers life... so theres my two fathers dead. And my mom turned to Drugs and Alcohol (no cool!!) and started to abuse me by burning me with her smokes and other things.
When i was 5 years old someone around the appartment called the police for child abuse leaving myself and my brother to go into an orphanage (we went to two different ones because of our age difference).
When i was there the older lady used to beat me with her cane and i would have to stay up late to do extra chores. I thought i would be scared for life and not able to forgive and forget these people for reuining my entire child life.
But then i got adopted and my family now is just so loving and caring and when i was 8 i asked jesus to come into my life and i got saved. BUT by the time i was 13 i turned and i started to get into drinking, parties and drugs (not the best choices of my life). The reason i got into all of this is becuase i just started high school and i wanted to fit into it soo much i joined soo many sports teams ( all of them actually) Ultimate, soccer,m hockey, basketball, tennis, flag football... the list goes on.. i also joined clubs such as the student council and the student support team... but at this time i was soo focused on fitting in that i just forgot about how much God loved me and i really never forgave my mother for the stuff she put me through during my younger childhood that i started to rebel against my mother now and just like i said get into other things. Also at this time my real brother was and still is in and out of jail.
Right now he's in jail for the next year; i am now 16 and i guess about mid march during march break my dad was listening to the Song Give me Jesus by jeremy camp and it just made me weep and i surrendered my life and just being getting right into the word of God and its just been such a great experience and i have really been asking god for guidence in everything i do and just to help mend my heart from the hurt caused by my brother and mother. I have now forgave my mother for what she did to me in my younger life and i forgave my brother and i even told him that when i talked to him last. i said, "yo Alexander you know during the past few years you just broke my heart and with how you acted and treated myself and other people it really reminded me of mom and it really wasnt cool cus i started to follow into yours and her foot steps but then my eyes opened up and god just entered my heart and just healed me from all this hurt and i just have to say that i forgive you for the hurt you caused in my life." and if i had the chance to see my real mother i would say i forgive her aswell... but it would be harder for me to say those words to her cause even though im 16 i still cannot "play fight" with my family and friends because right when im down on the ground and theyre laying on top of me pinning me down for the 10 count i FREAK cause thats what my mother did. There is other things that happen aswell (such as... when i close my eyes at night i just remember those nights i was pinned down screaming for someone to help me... and nothing... no one helped and right when i close my eyes and see and hear this i stay awake listening to my music (jeremy camp, third day, bless the fall etc but i just try to surround myself in christian music and the bible because i know thats when i am the weakest and thats when the devil will try to strike). Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed!