Relationship Advice

[Labby]

Because when you get two guys together, they will eventually talk about girls.

Okay, so that may not be true, but it is important that we be willing to listen to advice from those who have been there.

I've been asked a few times for relationship advice. I have no idea why, since my own track record is less than stellar, but I'm always willing to share what I know. And I'm sure as more guys start coming, we'll be able to have more discussion about girls, dating, and marriage, as well as how to remain sexually pure.

So if any of us ever has questions about how to relate with women, or what to do if we find ourselves in sticky situations, or anything like that, we should feel free to ask, and we can all discuss it.

Sound like a plan?

[RockerForChrist]

I totally agree! we need to be able to talk about whats going on, just like on the old boards

[brianfalexander]

This sounds like a great idea. I feel like if I can be open with people I feel more comfortable in my relationship.

[themadclipper]

Unlike the old boards, these do NOT have gender-secure areas, so until this issue is addressed, let's please keep in mind the fact that the ladies can see and post on this thread- I know this, because I posted a similar warning in the Sisters In Christ thread.:eek:

[brianfalexander]

Yeah, I noticed that. I'm pretty sure that it is possible to "lock" the section for certian genders. We just have to wait for that to happen.

[themadclipper]

Anyway, just to let all of the newbs know, God still works in our lives, and He designed marriage, and it still work: Jennifer and I are going on twenty-one years this year.

[radicalman64]

Hey, Glad to see everyone here. I pray that all are well and experiences the Lord's presence in a special way today.
Yours in Christ,
Dan

[themadclipper]

This has very little to do with human relationships, but ...

Jennifer and I will have been married twenty-one years this October (10/9/87-impossible to forget or screw up. We didn't plan it that way- we were in the Air Force, and that was Columbus Day weekend, so we had a THREE DAY honeymoon.) Anyway, I spent over eight hours trying to print out some reports today (all non-reimbursed overtime- I'm salaried!), and at one point I realized that I had become more intimately familiar with the operation and maintenance of this machine than I am with my wife!:confused:

JK!- but the thought, borne of frustration, was there.

[inthesilence27]

yes i noticed that when i saw the new boards. i was like where is the block on the sic and the brother hood. that very werid its not blocked yet!, will it be? i hope so.

[drey]

It'll be, if that "gender lock" feature isn't available... We could still suggest for a private forum. :D

[themadclipper]

Back to the topic at hand (Gasp! Holy Linguistics, Batman! I can't believe I'm rerailing a thread!)

Jennifer and I had a bit of a rough evening Wednesday. We didn't really get into a fight, but we were both ready to boil over. Fortunately (?!) I was leaving for work- I say fortunately because I'm not a "good" fighter on my best of days, and last night was not my best of days. So, I went to work, and prayed and thought about the situation. When I got home this morning, I was about to apologize when she reminded me that I was, *ahem*, unpleasant the previous evening. I apologized, and hit the sack for a quick nap, as we were having some contractors over to do some work in the basement. When they arrived, she woke me up, and we spent the next two hours either sitting at the table having breakfast or going down to inspect the progress.

When they were done and had left, we decided to go to Sam's. None of the kids wanted to come with, so we had around an hour and a half alone. We talked a lot as we shopped, and finally I told her as we were driving back to the house that we really needed to talk more, away from the kids. She agreed

So, here's my object lesson for the day: men are generally not known as talkers, in or outside of a relationship. In my specific case, she isn't either, and we both keep stuff bottled up, and this is bad. So, even if talk is work for you, it is work that has rewards. My brain is going now, trying to create situations where we can talk alone and unhurried.

[fireproof]

Good call chris, my only proper relationship broke down at the three month mark as we never really talked about things that mattered. We were going in 2 copmpletely different directions and we didnt know it until it was too late to be a painfree split. Fortunately since then Rachel is the one person i can talk to about everything and we have an awesome friendship out it.

i learned the hard way and im still guarded but if i get a sniff of something serious on the horizon, il unscrew the bottle top this time!

[Psalms23]

So, what do you all look for in a Christian woman?

[themadclipper]

The honest answer is, quite honestly, physical. God made them critters that way for a reason. After that, I think this person needs to speak to your soul. The physical thing might even not be a sexual thing- it might be a mannerism, or it might be her eyes; we're all made in a certain way, and different things will catch our eye.

Secular psychologists, I think, have said that the brain is our largest sex organ. God has given us an adundance of blessings, and we need to use the "discernment" one to get past the physical attraction thing and to get on to what we need to do with our lives.

[djbos]

Here's my question for the brothers in here: Is it even possible to let someone down easily? There's this girl that I went out with for a couple months a few years ago. She broke up with me, and I was really upset at first, but then moved on and really haven't looked back. Now I've been hanging out with her again, and she's a great friend and I'd like to keep it that way, without going any further than that, but I can tell she wants more than just being friends....anyone have any experience with this? Is it even going to be possible for me to tell her that I'm really not interested, but still keep her as a friend?

[Labby]

I'm in pretty much the same situation -- an ex who wants to get back together, but I really have no interest.

Back when we had that conversation for the first time (and then the second, and the third...), I tried letting her down easy. Evidently, she took my "not wanting to get back together" to mean "not now, but someday." Um, no. Never.

Eventually, I had to use the phrase "no way in hell." And from everything I'm seeing, it looks like I get to have that same conversation once again.

Long story short: you can try, but if the message isn't getting across, you may have to be blunt.

[fireproof]

I'm in pretty much the same situation -- an ex who wants to get back together, but I really have no interest.

Back when we had that conversation for the first time (and then the second, and the third...), I tried letting her down easy. Evidently, she took my "not wanting to get back together" to mean "not now, but someday." Um, no. Never.

Eventually, I had to use the phrase "no way in hell." And from everything I'm seeing, it looks like I get to have that same conversation once again.

Long story short: you can try, but if the message isn't getting across, you may have to be blunt.

She still hasnt got the hint steve, man that sucks. Thats what years you've been trying to get that message through now.

[themadclipper]

Well, if nothing else works,how about honesty? I'm not sure where this thread is going, but I think it needs to keep going.

[djbos]

Well, if nothing else works,how about honesty? I'm not sure where this thread is going, but I think it needs to keep going.

That's what I went with. I just told her how I felt, she seemed to understand...but you never know with the female type. I haven't actually talked to her again since 'the talk.' But she lives 1000 miles away and works during the night, and I work during the day. I'll probably have to leave her an email or facebook message sometime, to make sure everything is still good.

[Labby]

What the? Labby? Reviving a topic about girls?

So I'm half-way convinced there's a "Get Steven Hitched" conspiracy going on at my church. First, a couple of the female youth leaders (and a number of both male and female students) are starting to seriously pray for me to get a girlfriend. *smacks forehead* This makes for some fun conversations.

Second, said female youth leaders are giving me a complete wardrobe make-over, which is somewhat disturbing. Not that the clothes they pick out are bad (mostly), but still...

Third, said females, our Childrens Pastor (a woman), and I went to a summit about a week ago. After one of the sessions, we invited a number of people back to our motel to play Apples to Apples (if you haven't played it, do so; it's hilarious). Our CP made a point to invite a young, single gal that she met during the summit.

Fourth, my Associate Pastor gave my Youth Pastor the following article (http://www.boundless.org/guys/), and he gave it to me.

The whole point of this post, btw, was to make sure you guys got the link for the article; it's actually pretty good. It showed me that maybe my thinking about some things wasn't exactly 100% right.

[drake71449]

cool link...i didnt read it all just scanned it...since i'm married...and expecting #3 in 9 months...but we should see what the bible , God's word says about finding our mate...

:p

ps.. i found my wife at my old church...she didnt even like me when we first met...but i charmed her into marrying me after 6 months of dating..and been happy ever since

:P

[Matthew.M]

Hey everyone... this looks cool :D . Hmm well where I'm at it that there is this girl. Anyhow I find out that this girl likes me.
I never thought anything about it at the moment I was like “ah... ok .hahaha..” kind of like that..

So like 2-3 month go by and I start to notice this girl... Well she knows I like her because my friend has told her.
I Want to get to know her more for myself as a friend first.
I have always try to talk to her but I cower.
So like what’s a good way to make small talk. like I’m not much of a talker...

[fireproof]

Firstly.

PLease use paragraphing in your post, and proof read each paragraph before embarking on the next one.
It will make it a whole lot easier for us to read it and understand it. Thanks


Okay.

About this girl. If she knows who you are and has liked you for ages, then she'll know you're really shy. So thats one thing to not be concerned about initially.

Secondly, this girl could be just the thing you need to break out of your shell and come into your own.

Thirdly, find something you are comfortable with, topics of conversation, and places and things, and invite her and take it from there. She will be just as nervous as you. Remember its worse for girls than it is for guys when it comes to dating and start of realtionships as girls have to deal with the bitchiness/gossip from their peers.

Finally, and most importantly, talk to God about it. He can calm your nerves and help you out.

Thats my advice for now, let us know how you do.