xoShaniexo
06-27-2008, 08:30 AM
Sorry if this is a bit long, sometimes I just start writing and I just can't stop. lol.;)
I wasn't raised in a Christian home or anything, so I grew up really knowing nothing about Jesus. My great-grandmother was the only person I knew that was really into her faith, I remember a few times when I was younger that she would ask if I would pray with her. I never really knew what we were doing or what it was about, but now I wish that I would have asked more questions. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently, I know that if I had she would have gladly filled me in. So, things started to go down hill in my life when I was 12, my parents had just split up, so things were hard. My dad wasn't really in my life at the time (he is now though, and our relationship has never been better!), and my mom started dating a guy that I really didn't like (and I still don't like him, at all.:mad: There's a story behind that though). I started middle school, and started getting into the "goth" scene. By the time I got to 8th grade, I didn't care about anything...I failed that year, so I had to repeat the next year. When I started 8th grade over again, my great-grandmother passed away. I ended up missing the first 2 weeks of school, which landed me in truancy court. I'd have to go to court every few months, and I couldn't miss any school unless I was sick and had a note from my doctor. So I started going back to school, and my grades were really good. I ended up passing that year, so then I started high school. I was still involved with truancy court, so they would still be checking up on my attendance. That was going good for awhile, but once again I ended up skipping school for another 2 weeks. My next court date was 5 days after my 16th birthday. That day was a nightmare, they were going to put me (and my sister) in Juvie. When the judge said that, I remember my sister started crying, my mom started screaming, and I was emotionless. I remember praying that we would get out of it, and that we would get one more chance. They arrested us, and then they let us go, I was SO thankful for that! I know that God was truly with me that day! So, of course after that experience, I stayed in school until they were finally satisfied with my attendance record and closed the case. Since I was 16, once they closed the case they couldn't open it again. That court date was for the afternoon, so I had already been in school that day. Well, that day of school ended up being my last. I knew that they couldn't open my case again, so I dropped out. A few months after that, I realized what a huge mistake I made, so I started working on getting my diploma through correspondence courses. You would think that now I had finally gotten my life on track, WRONG! I still had a really bad attitude about everything, and I still didn't really care. That year, my grandmother passed away, and I was REALLY close to her. After that, I was a total wreck, and things just kept getting worse. I met this guy, and we started dating on my 17th birthday. He was my first "real" boyfriend, I fell for him hard! My relationship with him was my LIFE! After awhile he wasn't treating me right, and I was miserable. I got into self-injury and a bad pill habit (I had been into it for years, but this is the time that it got severe), and I was cutting myself almost every day, and popping pills every night. After being with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, I started thinking that he was cheating on me. Like I said, he wasn't treating me right. When he wasn't spending time with me, it was like I didn't exist. So eventually, I found out that he really was cheating on me. I broke down that day, and I decided I had enough. I ended things with him for good. I was so miserable for awhile after that, I felt so alone, and so worthless! One day I was listening to a Christian radio station, and Jeremy Camp's "Take You Back" was on. That song touched my heart, and it changed my life! It made me realize that no matter what I had done, Jesus still loved me. I started getting into Christian music, and I bought a bible and started reading it. This past year has been so amazing! I've changed SO much! I'm really focused on school now, and I'm 5 courses away from getting my diploma!:D Also, not to long after I broke up with my boyfriend, I decided that since we never had sex (though he did pressure me!), that I was going to save myself for marriage. I bought a purity ring, and I haven't taken it off since. Since I became a Christian, I decided that I was going to make my relationship with Jesus my first priority, and I feel like I grow closer to Him every day.
I've been thinking of posting my testimony for awhile now, but for some reason I never really got around to it. Lately I've felt like I've been drifting away from God, and it's been breaking my heart!:( I'm still struggling with a few things, and I've started feeling like I'm beyond forgiveness. But this morning I woke up, and I just feel...better. I realize that even though I have Jesus in my life now, and I felt like I was putting my relationship with Him before all else, that that's not true. I've given Him part of my heart, but I haven't given Him EVERYTHING. I'm ready now, to surrender everything to God. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and I know that He is with me every step of the way!
I wasn't raised in a Christian home or anything, so I grew up really knowing nothing about Jesus. My great-grandmother was the only person I knew that was really into her faith, I remember a few times when I was younger that she would ask if I would pray with her. I never really knew what we were doing or what it was about, but now I wish that I would have asked more questions. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently, I know that if I had she would have gladly filled me in. So, things started to go down hill in my life when I was 12, my parents had just split up, so things were hard. My dad wasn't really in my life at the time (he is now though, and our relationship has never been better!), and my mom started dating a guy that I really didn't like (and I still don't like him, at all.:mad: There's a story behind that though). I started middle school, and started getting into the "goth" scene. By the time I got to 8th grade, I didn't care about anything...I failed that year, so I had to repeat the next year. When I started 8th grade over again, my great-grandmother passed away. I ended up missing the first 2 weeks of school, which landed me in truancy court. I'd have to go to court every few months, and I couldn't miss any school unless I was sick and had a note from my doctor. So I started going back to school, and my grades were really good. I ended up passing that year, so then I started high school. I was still involved with truancy court, so they would still be checking up on my attendance. That was going good for awhile, but once again I ended up skipping school for another 2 weeks. My next court date was 5 days after my 16th birthday. That day was a nightmare, they were going to put me (and my sister) in Juvie. When the judge said that, I remember my sister started crying, my mom started screaming, and I was emotionless. I remember praying that we would get out of it, and that we would get one more chance. They arrested us, and then they let us go, I was SO thankful for that! I know that God was truly with me that day! So, of course after that experience, I stayed in school until they were finally satisfied with my attendance record and closed the case. Since I was 16, once they closed the case they couldn't open it again. That court date was for the afternoon, so I had already been in school that day. Well, that day of school ended up being my last. I knew that they couldn't open my case again, so I dropped out. A few months after that, I realized what a huge mistake I made, so I started working on getting my diploma through correspondence courses. You would think that now I had finally gotten my life on track, WRONG! I still had a really bad attitude about everything, and I still didn't really care. That year, my grandmother passed away, and I was REALLY close to her. After that, I was a total wreck, and things just kept getting worse. I met this guy, and we started dating on my 17th birthday. He was my first "real" boyfriend, I fell for him hard! My relationship with him was my LIFE! After awhile he wasn't treating me right, and I was miserable. I got into self-injury and a bad pill habit (I had been into it for years, but this is the time that it got severe), and I was cutting myself almost every day, and popping pills every night. After being with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, I started thinking that he was cheating on me. Like I said, he wasn't treating me right. When he wasn't spending time with me, it was like I didn't exist. So eventually, I found out that he really was cheating on me. I broke down that day, and I decided I had enough. I ended things with him for good. I was so miserable for awhile after that, I felt so alone, and so worthless! One day I was listening to a Christian radio station, and Jeremy Camp's "Take You Back" was on. That song touched my heart, and it changed my life! It made me realize that no matter what I had done, Jesus still loved me. I started getting into Christian music, and I bought a bible and started reading it. This past year has been so amazing! I've changed SO much! I'm really focused on school now, and I'm 5 courses away from getting my diploma!:D Also, not to long after I broke up with my boyfriend, I decided that since we never had sex (though he did pressure me!), that I was going to save myself for marriage. I bought a purity ring, and I haven't taken it off since. Since I became a Christian, I decided that I was going to make my relationship with Jesus my first priority, and I feel like I grow closer to Him every day.
I've been thinking of posting my testimony for awhile now, but for some reason I never really got around to it. Lately I've felt like I've been drifting away from God, and it's been breaking my heart!:( I'm still struggling with a few things, and I've started feeling like I'm beyond forgiveness. But this morning I woke up, and I just feel...better. I realize that even though I have Jesus in my life now, and I felt like I was putting my relationship with Him before all else, that that's not true. I've given Him part of my heart, but I haven't given Him EVERYTHING. I'm ready now, to surrender everything to God. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and I know that He is with me every step of the way!