Dumb Jokes

[LauraA]

Ok, we have to have this one transplanted over here, don't you think? I'll start with our 7 year old's favorite joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ben always says, "Say why".

"Why?"

To show the possum (or raccoon) it could be done.

[Kelly]

Hehe...we should have an entire thread for the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke and everyone can give their answer :p

[Labby]

Hehe...we should have an entire thread for the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke and everyone can give their answer :p

Do you really want me to post the list? Because I can.

[Kelly]

Oh no I'm scared hehe....go for it!

[LauraA]

Yeah! I think you've posted it on the OBs didn't you? Hilarious! Go for it! :D

[Labby]

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

George W. Bush's Answer:
Look, it's tough crossin' the road. The chicken knows it's tough. The American people have got to understand that I know the chicken knows it's tough. I read the report. But the chicken's on the march. And it will get the job done.

Albert Einstein's Answer:
That depends on the observer's inertial frame of reference.

Bob Dylan's Answer:
How many roads must a chicken then cross, before you call him a rooster?

Mythbusters's Answer:
If you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon; not only will it cross a road, it could be a lethal projectile.

Jules Verne's Answer:
Under a 125 F.At 36 degree North and 115 degree East, and at 03:00 GMT, Professor Chicken entered history as his Cannon propelled him through the road.

Douglas Adams' Answer:
To escape the construction of a bypass and to find a towel and a decent cup of tea.

Nietzsche's Answer:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Karl Marx's Answer:
To spread the international organization of the chicken-proletariat in their class-struggle against the heinous bourgouisie child-killing egg-frying capitalist farmer-class. He was carrying unifying propaganda meant to instill the virtues and fervor of the labor struggle against the alienating psychological effects of egg-stealing by the evil capitalists. An egg-cott was in the offing: the very foundations of the international capitalist egg-conspiracy were to be shaken by the balk and refusal to lay of all working-chickens everywhere! The fox, an agent of the oppressive bourgouisie, saw his crossing, and ate him: dichotimized in his relations of production, suffering the ultimate alienation of the worker from his labors, the chicken's story is merely further evidence that the worker-chicken cannot escape his labor-role in the cog of the capitalist conspiracy until all laborers everywhere, of whatever specie, are united in their stand against the alienating forces of international exploitative capitalistisic egg-consumption!

J.R.R. Tolkien's Answer:
The Road goes ever on and on. It can be dangerous to step out into it, for the Road that starts at your front door leads to Rivendell and wilder places, and you can easily be swept away. If you are a chicken, it can lead to BBQ.

Lao Tzu's Answer:
There is no road.

Chuang Tzu's Answer:
Was the chicken crossing the road, or was the road crossing the chicken?

Rene Descartes 's Answer:
Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe's Answer:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson's Answer:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Salvador Dali 's Answer:
The Fish.

The Sphinx's Answer:
You tell me.

Thomas de Torquemada's Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?

[LauraA]

I might just be a kid at heart, but those things really crack me up! I'll have to show Dan when he's out of the shower! Thanks for the laughs!

[Kaylee13]

wat do u call a dog with 3 legs

answer:Why does it matter he isnt coming any ways.

I HATE that joke with a passion!

[Labby]

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on your doorstep?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying in a ditch?
Doug

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying in a garbage dump?
Phil

Okay, enough of those.....

What's grey, crispy, and hanging from the ceiling?
A first-term electrician's apprentince

[Kelly]

Here are some blonde jokes....

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

I love this one because I dye my hair frequently, but unfortunately, the blondness still shines through at times:

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

[themadclipper]

wat do u call a dog with 3 legs

answer:Why does it matter he isnt coming any ways.

I HATE that joke with a passion!

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!:cool:

[fireproof]

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the nobel prize?

He was out-standing in his field.

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other 'you drive, il get the guns'

2 sausages in a frying pan one says 'its bloomin hot in here mate' the other replies " aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah a talking sausage"

whats e.t short for?
Cause he has small legs

ok il stop there for now

[themadclipper]

How do you drive a blonde insane?

Put her in a round room and tell her she can have the dollar in the corner ....

[Kaylee13]

easy way to drown a blonde tell her thers a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool (sorry not like ezact wording... or even close)

[themadclipper]

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?

None- real men aren't afraid of the dark. (From the book "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche"- yes- there really is a book book by that title!)

[LauraA]

Here is a little Biblical humor .


Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.


Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.


Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.



Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
were all in one Accord.


Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.


Q. Which area of Middle East was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.


Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan.)

[fireproof]

lmao i loved the noah on deck one, im just back form playing cards!

2 cows in field, one says 'moooooo' the other replies ' blast i was gonna say that'

cows in a field, one of them says to the other ' hey are you at all worried about this mad cow disease scare thats going about?' the other replies, nah it wont affect me, im a tractor!

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.

Thatl do for now!

[LauraA]

Geneticists have successfully bred a new line of long living frogs.
They are born without any vocal cords and don't croak.

[Jesuskid]

I don't know if i should put the joke my bro made should i?

[Labby]

During the Cold War, American and Soviet scientists argued about which country's genetic engineers were farther along. And so they made a bet: in ten years, they would meet. Each country would bring a genetically engineered dog; the two animals would then fight, with the winner being the most advanced.

For ten years the Soviets labored hard. They combined pit bull, Doberman, Rottweiler, German shepherd, and a few species of wolf into one animal. This thing was ferocious; not one scientist dared get near it. Satisfied, they went to the pre-arranged meeting place.

The Americans also labored hard. And at the appointed time, they arrived at the meeting place ...

With a six-foot-long weiner dog.

The Soviet scientists couldn't believe their eyes! A weiner dog?! Granted, it's six feet long, but still: a weiner dog!! They laughed and laughed at the American scientists.

Finally, it came time for the match to begin. The Soviets carefully opened the cage of their dog. The snarling beast ran straight at the American dog....

To be eaten whole.

Everyone was stunned. The American weiner dog had easily eaten the Soviet beast. How was this possible?

A reporter asked the Americans about it, and one scientist quipped, "Well, while they spent ten years creating a ferocious dog, we spent ten years trying to figure out how to make a crocodile look like a weiner dog."

[LauraA]

I don't know if i should put the joke my bro made should i?

Is it clean, appropriate for all ages and not violent/nasty? If in doubt, maybe be on the safe side and don't. If it's fine, sure, share it with us.

Good one, Steve! :)

[Kelly]

Hehe Laura, the Biblical humor jokes were hilarious! :p Now that I'm working with kids I'll have to pay attention for any jokes....they always have the best ones!

[Psalms23]

Hehe Laura, the Biblical humor jokes were hilarious! :p Now that I'm working with kids I'll have to pay attention for any jokes....they always have the best ones!

I agree with ya!!

[LauraA]

Ben (7 years old) wants me to share his joke with you:

Why are there two banana peels next to your bed?

Because they are a pair of slippers!

[Outcast]

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was living in the land of the United States of the Americas , and said unto him: 'The earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build an Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: 'You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.'Noah!' He said, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?''Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have been difficult and there have been setbacks.

First, I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system in case of fire. To make matters worse, my neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.


I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

Finally the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. '


Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.Noah looked up in wonder and asked,'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.'The government beat me to it.'

[fireproof]

i love that. Marvellous!