Speaking Louder Than Before in....

[Kelly]

Jeremy is doing a really cool thing on the Team Camper page where you can take a pic of yourself with a sign that says "I'm speaking louder than before in (wherever you live)" And he'll post your pics in an album. Check out the pics already submitted here (http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=377457002&albumId=1020748)....then get out there and make your own! Let's cover the globe! :)

All you do is take your picture, post it as your default, then comment on the Team Camper page letting them know, and you'll be added to the top friends as well as the photo album :)

[drake71449]

kk will do

:p

[CamperGirl]

I'm up there! :p

[cori]

can i hold my sign over my face?? lol

[Kelly]

No way! That would be the OPPOSITE of speaking louder than before! :p

[cori]

i can make my SIGN speak LOUDLY! lol

actually....since this idea came up in this thread (and i don't know where i SHOULD put this), i do have to share this.

so, i'm listening to the cd tonight - with headphones & NO distractions (as i promised myself i would do! lol) - and....speaking louder comes on. IMMEDIATE conviction. like brutal, hit-in-the-head-with-a-ton-of-bricks conviction.

ok, so...immediate obedience was SOME of what God has been dealing with me about this year. but....there's more (i wasn't trying to be evasive or anything by not sharing this with the obedience stuff - the obedience stuff is just REEEEALLY fresh in my mind because that is what the Lord is dealing with me in this week's devotional readings).

i know i'm totally long winded (i'm sorry!!! feel free to tell me to cut to the chase), but....for you to understand the impact of this conviction/correction, you do need a little bit of history about me. i absolutely HATE to be seen. like, words cannot DESCRIBE how much i hate being seen. (hence the self-imposed trash can ministry!) i still have not been able to pinpoint the beginning of this fear (i know, the root of fear = PRIDE...God is dealing with me about THAT, too....), or its source, but...it is intense. like sweaty palms, hyperventilating & everything INTENSE fear - just at the THOUGHT of being seen (in a public forum...one on one, no big deal, but..publicly? in front of a group? no thanks! there's a bajillion places i'd rather be & most of them involve things like bamboo & fingernails! o.o ). anyway...the clooooose companion to that fear is SPEAKING. i think (although i'm not entirely sure - it COULD be 2 completely unrelated things driving the fears & they're so similar in manifestation & occurrence, they seem to be linked?) that's because when someone is speaking, all eyes are on the speaker. (i seriously have chills just THINKING about that!) anyway...

so....there are some ministries that i would absolutely LOOOOOOOVE to be involved in. (ie...heather clark - to be able to lead worship like she does? oh man, that....i would LOOOOVE that ministry!) i've always had a passion for that kind of ministry, always loved singing (again, the question remains as to whether or not i SHOULD...lol), always dreamed of leading corporate worship (which always confused me with the intense fear, since dreams of leading corporate worship directly INVOLVE public display, both being seen AND heard!) - and some other (less visible) ministries. so, God began speaking this to me a few years ago, when i started really seeking Him for His will for my life (which i have yet to get THE answer...i've got the "rightNOWwill" but...THE will...not a clue! lol) - before God can even begin to CONSIDER answering my prayer for that kind of ministry, i have to start exercising some boldness & step out in doing that stuff. maybe not start out singing publicly or anything (some loving, brutal honesty before going in public would be good! hahaha), but....start speaking when God tells me to speak. (you have NO idea how many times He has prompted me to say something & i refuse because of my stupid pride & fear) so....ok, yeah...gonna work on that....and up on the shelf it goes because depression kinda made itself top priority in my life.

ok, so backtrack a little to the depression - one of the primary reasons my self hatred kept growing was because i was cutting...AND working with our youth, and almost ALL of them in our group are cutters, to some degree. i felt absolutely, positively worthless in the way of ministry with the youth, because...how am i supposed to help them find a better way of dealing with those kinds of things when i can't get a handle on those things MYSELF?!?! i was completely SILENCED in that ministry, because i believed satan's lies about who i am, rather than KNOWING who HE has made me to be (so, i was quick to claim a favorite earlier - i HAVE to go with i know who i am as THE favorite!). i wanted to shrink away, shrivel up & die with those things being my dirty little secret. but....i couldn't lie to the kids, either.

i didn't offer any information whatsoever when i had the stitches in my thumb (cutting mishap), but i answered any questions they had honestly. and much to my surprise (i STILL don't understand why i'm always surprised at HOW God works!), GOD BEGAN TO WORK THROUGH IT!!!!! He delivered one girl (that i KNOW of, probably a couple of them, if they were truthful with me...) COMPLETELY of cutting, JUST because i was honest with her.

God showed me that, even though i FELT like a complete WASTE of a human being because of the depression & cutting....He could work through that. but i had to SPEAK it out. i couldn't hide it. trying to hide it & never share it with anyone WOULD have been a waste, but.....because i spoke it out & shared it, not only was He able to heal someone else & be glorified, MY healing began!

then, a few weeks ago, the REAL kicker came when i was asking the Lord about my progress in that area (ok, i don't recommend doing that unless you're SITTING DOWN!!! lol). i can't even remember exactly how the conversation went, because it totally came out of the blue. i think i was praying about my kids, actually, and asked Him what else i could be doing to make sure they grow to be godly men. He said, "what are you doing to be RADICAL?" and i was just like, "um...what??" and He said VERY clearly - RADICAL faith. it's not enough to HAVE your faith - you have to LIVE it...SPEAK it.....people have to be able to SEE it, and.....when i'm busy trying to blend into the walls, not wanting to say a word, i'm about as good as the candle buried in concrete.

so.....as much as i WANT to, if i can figure out the technology behind it (have dig. camera - lack the know-how of dumping the pics to the computer & then posting them ANYWHERE...), i won't hide behind my sign. :S

sorry for another looooooong one.....

[LauraA]

can i hold my sign over my face?? lol

Oh my! That is totally something I would have to do! I don't even like my picture taken, let alone a video. EEEKKK! :eek: I keep warning our pastor that if he ever has me stand up to talk in front of the church, he'll be mopping me up off the floor because I would have a total and complete meltdown. Hopefully that put a scare into him that will keep him from calling me to speak for something!

[LauraA]

Wow, Cori! What a testimony! I have to jump off the computer right now, but I will edit this tomorrow and say more. In the mean time, you are so awesome and will be such a blessing to this ministry here on the message boards. The Lord has plans for you, I just know it. Thank you, Jesus!

Hugs~
Laura

[cori]

Oh my! That is totally something I would have to do! I don't even like my picture taken, let alone a video. EEEKKK! :eek: I keep warning our pastor that if he ever has me stand up to talk in front of the church, he'll be mopping me up off the floor because I would have a total and complete meltdown. Hopefully that put a scare into him that will keep him from calling me to speak for something!

i am SOOOOOO with you on the picture thing!!!! (and last year, when we took the youth to ATF, i made the mistake of letting it slip that i hate having my picture taken. so....their reaction?? "let's use the disposable cameras PROVIDED to us to take pictures of CORI!" i spent the entire wknd dodging camera flashes :eek: needless to say, they didn't get cameras this year! lol)

hahaha, and let's chalk up another for the similarities - i told my pastor the SAME THING - almost verbatim!!!!!! but...be forewarned - it might not scare him enough to not ask you to do it. my pastor has had me speaking in front of the church MANY times! (sharing: depression testimony, healing (my son) testimony, ladies Bible study i was facilitating in the church, ladies retreat we went to, ATF....a few other things as well :eek: :eek:) he's one of those PRO-STRETCHING-AND-GROWING pastors! lol so.....hopefully it will fare better for you than it did for me! lol

[cori]

Wow, Cori! What a testimony! I have to jump off the computer right now, but I will edit this tomorrow and say more. In the mean time, you are so awesome and will be such a blessing to this ministry here on the message boards. The Lord has plans for you, I just know it. Thank you, Jesus!

Hugs~
Laura

*sniff* thank you! i feel like i kinda pushed my way into the boards & have kinda taken over :confused: i'm working on keeping my comments/stories/etc... short(er).

would you ever believe that i'm about as shy as they come?!?!?! :eek: honest to God! (there's a lot to be said about hiding behind the safety of my monitor! lol)

[Psalms23]

can i hold my sign over my face?? lol

Something Laura would say lol :D

[cori]

lol, well, i can only say that great minds think alike! :P

hmmm, laura, wonder where we can squeeze in the extra few letters we'd need to get THIS in our acronym??? hehe....i fear we may have to cancel the t-shirt order & instead just order a TENT to ensure having room for all the letters! lol

[drake71449]

i'm gonna get my sign up one day...how about skydiving??? would that do?

:p

[CamperGirl]

i'm gonna get my sign up one day...how about skydiving??? would that do? :p
"Speaking Louder Over All America" :p

[Convicted]

i'm gonna get my sign up one day...how about skydiving??? would that do?

:p

That'd be awesome! I'm completely enthralled with skydiving... I so want to do it someday.

[drake71449]

me too but speaking wise i have been wearing my "walk with jesus " cap or my JCamp hat


:p

[LauraA]

*sniff* thank you! i feel like i kinda pushed my way into the boards & have kinda taken over :confused: i'm working on keeping my comments/stories/etc... short(er).

would you ever believe that i'm about as shy as they come?!?!?! :eek: honest to God! (there's a lot to be said about hiding behind the safety of my monitor! lol)

That's me! Ask anyone who knows me in person. LOL. Sign over face.

[LauraA]

Something Laura would say lol :D

You know me too well!! Hahahaha:D

[LauraA]

i am SOOOOOO with you on the picture thing!!!! (and last year, when we took the youth to ATF, i made the mistake of letting it slip that i hate having my picture taken. so....their reaction?? "let's use the disposable cameras PROVIDED to us to take pictures of CORI!" i spent the entire wknd dodging camera flashes :eek: needless to say, they didn't get cameras this year! lol)

hahaha, and let's chalk up another for the similarities - i told my pastor the SAME THING - almost verbatim!!!!!! but...be forewarned - it might not scare him enough to not ask you to do it. my pastor has had me speaking in front of the church MANY times! (sharing: depression testimony, healing (my son) testimony, ladies Bible study i was facilitating in the church, ladies retreat we went to, ATF....a few other things as well :eek: :eek:) he's one of those PRO-STRETCHING-AND-GROWING pastors! lol so.....hopefully it will fare better for you than it did for me! lol

LOL! Our pastor is, too. He's always asking me things during church or announcements. I usually just close my mouth and point at my husband. (meaning, ask Dan. hahaha) Pastor is trying to help me to work outside the comfort box, but I'm a difficult student. :o