Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
Oh it's been SO confusing Miranda. It's hard to think you're hearing God say "Help out here...." but then you go to help out and you're told "Oh we don't need any help" or you're not told anything at all.
But God spoke very clearly and this morning when I woke up I got my answer  |
you know, Kelly, i had a very similar lesson to this one last year - and it took a severely sprained wrist (i actually thought it was BROKEN!) for me to finally GET it.
i don't do the whole new year's resolution thing, because...yeah....will power is not my strong suit! lol but i DO seek the Lord at the beginning of each year about what HE would like me to work on/change/do/etc... it's generally NOT fun (and usually downright painful! in 2006, He told me to make amends with my biological father - a story for another time, but....it was NOT something i was eager to do, as he disappeared before i was a month old & did not resurface until i was 14 - at MY seeking him out! 3 failed times of building a relationship, i was not ready to face that rejection again! it took me the ENTIRE YEAR to submit myself to God's will, and i finally called him a few days before Christmas. (after pleading & begging God to let me off the hook this time - He just told me that my job was to OBEY & leave the results to HIM - if the father responded, awesome...if not, that was between him & God) the result? a BEAUTIFULLY restored relationship! ok, there's still a long way to go, because 31 years of absence can not be restored in only 1, but...at least it's off to a CONSTRUCTIVE start this time! anyway...that's waaaaaay off topic....and a HUGE side point requiring parentheses! o.O). ok, so...
last year (2007), He spoke a single word. GIVE. whatever i had, i was to give. money, time, food, whatever - give (and there was NOT much of any of those things to be found last year). ok, i'm one of those all or nothing people - i don't know HOW to walk the middle of the road. if my heart's not in it, i can't fake it, and if my heart IS in it, i'm a zealot! (i like to think that can be a good thing, but....balance is better....) well, like every other area of my life, i poured myself into giving. if i heard of a need - ANY need - i was your man (uhhh....WO...man...lol). i literally gave myself to complete and utter exhaustion. but, there were still needs! interestingly enough (ok, maybe just interesting to me because i know myself?), i never did become frustrated with the people i was trying to bless by my giving - only frustrated with myself for not making a difference when i was doing exactly what i KNEW the Lord had told me to do. anyway, i don't know if you read my mini-testimony, but....giving to utter exhaustion & depression just don't mix well. anyway...(i'm trying to be quick..honest...)
my pastor is also one of those give-as-long-as-there-are-needs people, constantly running himself into the ground, so...i decided that i would put myself in charge of trash cans. putting them at the curb for pick-up, and then putting them back where they belong afterwards. no big deal, just one less thing for him to worry about. (i'm also a huge fan of the behind the scenes ministry - i dont like to be seen...at ALL, preferably!) so, i started doing that - but he busted me doing it once (rats!). he told me not to worry about it, so i just kinda "yeah yeah" through the conversation because i fully intended to keep doing it. (did i mention my OWN blonde moments??)
so one night, he beats me to taking the cans out to the curb (it's a silent race now...lol), but i saw him trying to do it. full trash can, arms loaded with Bibles, notebooks, other books, cd's, and a couple of grandkids tugging at his legs. so i figured - really? this man needs help! so i went over & tried to take the trash can from him, but he said that he had already gotten it. i insisted, so did he, and then..i think he thought i let go, but he just started walking again, full speed ahead. snapped my hand back, spraining the wrist. i sprained all the ligaments between the fingers & the wrist, AND the band of ligaments that holds the other ligaments together. treatment? COMPLETE restraint for 6 weeks (may as well have been broken!).
so.....that really put a damper on my giving/doing. there's not really much i could do to help out in the ways that i had been helping (babysitting - can't hold kids....doing the bulletin - can't type....just using the restroom was a huge fiasco!). it had almost healed - i was at the beginning of week 5, i think, and we were doing the youth Christmas party, so i was helping get the gift Bibles wrapped for the kids. my wrist started aching, but...there were still like 50 Bibles to be wrapped, so i kept going (in spite of being told to STOP). by the time the Christmas party for the youth was going on, i had RE-sprained my wrist (genius, i know). back to square one with healing, back to square one with immobilization, back to square one with my obedience.
which was really the frustrating part for me. God told me to give, and now He wouldn't heal me so i COULD. WHAT?!?! so, i spent a few days sniveling in prayer about it (yes, i was sniveling), grumping to God about how unfair it was that i had been doing what i was told, and my heart's desire was to get BACK to doing that, because i also discovered the secret joys of giving (it really IS great to bless someone!), as well as the joys of obedience. i was totally floored when He spoke.....
BALANCE! i became so over-zealous about "give" that i never bothered to PRAY about my giving. the sprained wrist was the direct result of trying to give to someone who did not want my gift. (ok, not that my pastor was being a jerk or anything, but..he was already on the mission of getting the trash can to the curb & didn't see much sense in stopping so i could do what he already started) He reminded me of all the times that someone was trying to "bless" me, but their gift was an inadvertent (on their part) hinderance to what i thought i was doing (that i perceived to be more important), and i immediately realized that not everyone is ready to receive the blessings we are trying to give.
giving IS good - giving is VERY good. but..if there's no balance to it, you run yourself into the ground, making it easy for bitterness to take root (and truly, i'm surprised that it didn't!), and if there's no prayer behind it, you may be giving to someone who's not prepared to receive.
anyway, after all of that, i don't even remember how i thought it related to your lesson, but....yeah....sorry about that! :S (*blush*)
What's the Lord Teaching You?
Linear Mode
